MY humble knowledge of the things of GOD The Almighty, Creator of all things, tells me that God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit are indeed just that ­ Spirit ­ and they dwell everywhere and every time.

So, it came as a huge surprise to me and of course many right-thinking people when Walter Magaya, creator of the Prophetic Healing and Deliverance pvt ltd (PHD Ministries) told his blind and grovelling followers that they should write prayer requests on pieces of paper so he could take them to Israel, presumably to meet with God and hand him these human needs on paper.

I started wondering whether God, Christ or the Holy Spirit would also travel from Zimbabwe for this special rendezvous and meet with the dodgy and conniving prophet in the said holy land of Israel? Who, among the three in the TRINITY had made this special appointment with this prophet to meet up in the far far lands of Israel to accept these human made papers written with human made pens to read human requests of trials and tribulations relief?

I wonderingly laughed as to how the hand­over was going to transpire, was he going to physically hand the black satchel stuffed with these papers to an angel waiting in one of the secret alleys, or was he going to leave the bag in Jesus’ tomb or wherever else they had agreed with the Most High?

Was he going to go on top of a holy mountain and pray intensely until the sky opened up and a bright light descended on him from heaven and extricated the bag from his clutch and disappear with it into heaven?

Save yourselves all those movie like imaginations, nothing like that apparently was ever going to happen.

The guy was going to walk around all the tourist attraction sites in Israel or was it Jerusalem, obviously with the heavy black bag of people’s problems clearly on his back, just in case his supporters back in Africa thought he had forgotten about them.

In one picture Magaya appears at the river Jordan exactly where Jesus walked on water, we were told (who knows if that was the real place, and what does it matter anyway), I would assume to make all the people’s problems attempt to walk on water and later sink like what happened to Peter.

In another picture, he appears to be standing in water in a shallow pool, interestingly with no shoes on (remember this is a man who says anything to do with water and bare feet is from the world of marine spirits).

But the most interesting of the photo collection is where the prophet (I hate calling him that) clad in a hooded sweatshirt and covering his head with a hoodie, finally, appears to be dumping or stuffing the request (izikhalo, zvichemo) documents through an opening in a wall, not to any waiting angel on the other side and certainly not to the bolt of light from heaven.

So, was that it? All that hullabaloo, pomp and fanfare just for that? Needless to say, Israel in general and Jerusalem and Bethlehem in particular, have seen many a tourist and Walter Magaya is certainly one of the millions to have visited these places, a simple tourist and nothing else.

For you to honestly say “the devil is a liar” while sitting in your humble home believing that this fake prophet has taken your troubles away to hand them over to the Heavenly Realm is to dream upside down.

Funny enough Magaya claims to have been sent by God to whisk people’s problems away and says he was given the armoury to use in the form of, bangles, mantles, cooking oil, bottled water, cucumbers and maize and even CDs, so is this a way of finally admitting that all the above artefacts are actually doing absolutely nothing to change these people’s wellbeing?

By merely looking at the collage of photos from Magaya’s trip you become increasingly convinced that there is a lack of Godliness about his sojourn to Israel; what with an alleged man of god wearing a hoodie ­ gangsters and druggies yes, but a preacher of the word of God, it would be laughable were it not for the human lives being led astray in this instance.

I know little about the life of Magaya but I know he is a master of deception, smokes and mirrors, a master at diverting attention from any negative reports about himself.

He will go to any lengths, even booking a flight to outer space, if the need arises just to divert attention from his numerous sex escapades.

He can even weep and cry for you just for you to say “I’m sure all they are saying about him is false, this is a good man indeed”.

The god I worship is everywhere and I don’t have to go far to find him. When Christ went up to heaven, he left the Holy Spirit in charge of all our needs and he promised that all we needed to do was to be in harmony with him, invite him into our lives by being holy and wallah, we get what is due to us from God.

What Magaya is avoiding is telling the people the plain truth that they should repent, leave their sinful ways and believe in Christ and worship only one God, in fear of desertion by his followers; apparently, people just don’t like to hear the truth.

They would rather hear about how the manipulative and conniving “man of god” is going to wish their problems away, while the dependence syndrome of his followers is fertile ground for him.

It keeps him relevant while the cash rolls in. Honestly, there is nothing in Israel, Jerusalem or Bethlehem, God doesn’t reside at the place where Christ was born, and maybe it’s even a wrong place physically.

As tourists, murderers, gays, thieves, fornicators and all types of sinners have been to those places that Magaya went to and still returned to their homes the same sinners.

God is spirit and he resides in you, and the Holy Spirit is in you and all you must do is speak the same language with them then you begin to understand each other.

And if God sees it fit, he will answer your prayers; no penny required, even better, no dubious trips to the “Holy Land”.

This business of believing that God sends his angels to read your “Amen” on Facebook or lets you touch Him through your TV screen is, well, alien dung, to put it lightly.

God is old­fashioned, while you all want to drag him along with your worldly technological advances and second honeymoons disguised as holy pilgrimages to far away Israel, the Almighty is still stuck on the old method used by Noah, Elijah, Abraham, Moses and many others, that of humbling yourself and going down on your knees to worship him.

God does not read prayer requests or send his angels to gather them from various media and will certainly not have anything to do with the bunch of papers in Magaya’s mysterious bag of problems.

Do you really believe that God is so desperate for people to set free such that he can even be concerned by what is happening on social media like whatsapp, facebook, twitter and the various TV stations purportedly preaching the word of GOD? Hear it from me, far from it, God with all his Might and millions of angels would never rely on this evil and satanic media to send his message to his people.

God, using a known devil worshipper’s media to preach his word and set his people free (cue, laugh here now), even waiting for pieces of paper in a satchel carried by a known womaniser (laugh more again now), come on people lets be serious.

But if you love miracles and wonders, keep wondering what Walter Magaya actually did with that black satchel filled with papers scribbled with all your “I WANTS” to God.